Seth Meyers to Trump: ‘You don’t get credit for predicting headlines you created’ | Culture

Late-night hosts focused on Trump’s downward spiral, the Mueller investigation and Facebook.

Seth Meyers: ‘That kid’s going to military school’

Seth Meyers turned to the Trump-Mueller saga for his monologue. He opened by reiterating what the investigation found, because the news cycle has been, in his words, distracting. “I’m not blaming anyone. It’s just too much keeps happening. While we were talking about the Mueller report, we found out that Trump lost over a billion dollars in 10 years. This shit is distracting!” Meyers exclaimed.

He compared it to a book club where “everyone read a different book, they all talk at the same time, and instead of rosé, people do uncut cocaine while Skrillex plays.”

Reminding his audience that despite Trump’s claims of innocence, the Mueller report ran to 488 pages. Meyers joked to his audience, “If you went to a parent-teacher conference and the teacher said ‘Let me get your son’s file,’ and it was 488 pages, that kid’s going to military school.”

Trump joked to the crowd at a rally in Florida that he would still be president in 14 years’ time, and said it would make headlines for being unconstitutional.

Meyers scoffed: “You don’t get credit for predicting headlines that you created.” Meyers also pointed out the cognitive dissonance Trump is showing by claiming exoneration, but also refusing to let anyone see the full report.

Trump has even gone so far as to say Russia isn’t even discussed. Meyers said: “Just because you don’t hear the word ‘Russia’, doesn’t mean no one else uses it. For one thing, all you watch is Fox News, where I’m pretty sure they pretend Russia doesn’t even exist. When they show a map of Europe and Asia, they replace Russia with a graphic that says: ‘What about Hillary’s emails?’”

Meyers noted that this is the time when congressional response should start, but the Republicans would prefer the opposite. The Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, called it “Groundhog Day”, but Meyers disagreed: “If anything, we have too much information. Following the latest developments in the Russia investigation is like trying to piece together the plot lines of the last 20 Marvel movies.”

Stephen Colbert: ‘Just ask Melania’

The Late Show’s Stephen Colbert also used his monologue to recount Trump’s recent antics. Even since the initial release of the Mueller report, Trump has claimed he was totally exonerated, falsely claiming there was no obstruction detailed in the report. He did so again in a recent press conference. Colbert mocked his lies: “There are 10 counts of obstruction outlined in the Mueller report. That’s like Moses coming down from the mountain and saying, ‘I just talked to God. Essentially, no commandments.’”

In the same press conference, Trump said he had conflicts with Mueller because Mueller had a loyalty and close friendship to the former FBI director James Comey, evidenced in the hundreds of photos the pair have together. Colbert retorted, “Sir, appearing in hundreds of pictures with someone doesn’t mean that you like each other. Just ask Melania.”

Colbert also zeroed in on the 2018 World Series champions, the Boston Red Sox, and their visit to the White House. The White House hosted some of the team, but misprinted it on its website as “Boston Red Socks”. At least 10 members of the team declined the invitation, all of whom are Latino and or African American. Colbert quipped: “Apparently, they didn’t want to be in a place associated with racism other than Fenway Park.”

Trevor Noah: ‘Just change Facebook’s logo to Snapchat’s’

The Daily Show

TONIGHT: If Facebook breaks up, which part of the company will sell our data to Russia?

May 9, 2019

The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah focused on the opinion of Facebook’s co-founder Chris Hughes, who has suggested that the network be broken up.

Noah expressed confusion. “If they break up Facebook, how do you break up Facebook? Would they split it up with all the things that it does? So now, I’ll just have a Facebook that just reminds me when my friends’ birthdays are, and then a separate Facebook that gives me wrong news, and then one more Facebook that sells my data to Russia.”

Noah then suggested an alternative to breaking up Facebook. He told his audience: “If you want to reduce Facebook’s influence, just change Facebook’s logo to make it look like the Snapchat app – and then no one will use it.”

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